


All Those Feelings Within

by givebackmylifecas



Series: He Was Softer With Him [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, Flashbacks, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 13, bunker family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 20:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givebackmylifecas/pseuds/givebackmylifecas
Summary: Dean said yes to Michael and Castiel shuts down. Jack asks Sam for help in getting Castiel back to normal. Together they have to pull Castiel out of his own head... while they're in there with him.





	All Those Feelings Within

**Author's Note:**

> This is a followup to my pic "He Was Softer With Him", written from Jack's point of view after the events of the Season 13 finale.  
> Trigger Warnings for minimal swearing and a sort of panic attack.

Jack has never seen anyone behave like… _that_. Granted, he has been alive for less than a year but still. Perhaps it is more the lack of behaviour than anything else. It has been three weeks since Dean said yes to Michael. Three weeks since he defeated Lucifer and three weeks since Michael had taken control and disappeared to who knows where. Three weeks since Castiel had sat down on the edge of Dean’s bed, hands clasped, staring straight ahead. He hasn’t moved since.

No amount of chatter on Jack’s part and gentle pleading on Mary’s will make the angel move from that spot. He refuses to speak, or even acknowledge that there is anyone in the room.

Every one of the refugees – including Rowena and Charlie – have stopped by to speak to the angel. Rowena even performed a series of magical scans to ascertain that Castiel wasn’t under any sort of magical or angelic influence, but she had to conclude that there was nothing _physically_ wrong with Castiel.

There was one person who hadn’t even tried to get Castiel to speak – not since Castiel was first told that Michael had taken over. Sam.

Castiel had taken one look at Sam’s face when he returned to the bunker with Jack and promptly blown every lightbulb in the vicinity. It was then – under the cover of the darkness he created – that he had retreated to Dean’s room. As far as Jack knows, Sam has not been to see the angel. When he tried to find out why, Sam had given him an explanation which Bobby called “half-assed” that Jack didn’t really understand and seemed to have something to do with Sam urgently needing to redo the Bunker’s inventory.

But Mary and Bobby wouldn’t explain it to Jack either.

“Blame is a tricky thing Jack, even more so when it is directed at yourself and not someone else. Leave them be, they’ll sort it out eventually.”, Mary told him.

But Jack has left them long enough. He has watched Sam frantically read every book in the library that has something to do with angels, has watched Castiel do absolutely nothing at all for far too long. It is time.

He no longer has his powers, but he has the element of surprise, so he manages to drag Sam a few feet away from the bookshelf he was standing in front of before the older man starts to dig his heels in.

“Jack, what are you doing?”, Sam asks, confused.

Jack grunts with the effort of trying to pull him forward. “I’m taking you to Castiel. You need to talk.”

Sam abruptly comes to a halt and Jack almost falls on his face from the sudden lack of movement. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea, buddy.”

“Why not? He’s hurting too, Sam. If there’s anyone who understands how you are feeling, it is my father.”, Jack insists.

Sam huffs and runs a hand through his long hair. “I can’t face him. I can’t _look_ at him, knowing Dean sacrificed himself for me. He must hate me for that, he has to. It’s my fault that he doesn’t have his… Dean anymore.”

Jack frantically shakes his head. “No! Castiel could never hate you! And also… have you _seen_ him lately?”

Sam looks confused. “No, I thought he’d been avoiding me, staying out of the Bunker.”

“He’s in Dean’s room. He’s been there since we returned. He won’t speak, he hasn’t even moved from where he first sat down. He’s basically empty, Sam. I don’t think he has it in him to hate anyone, and certainly not you.” Jack explains and Sam looks pale, throwing the dark circles under his eyes into even sharper relief. “Please come and speak to him, we have all tried, but maybe if you…” He trails off and Sam nods his head sharply. He strides out of the library and towards Dean’s room so quickly that Jack almost has to run to keep up.

Sam stops just outside Dean’s door, as if he has to work up the courage to enter. Jack helps him along and pushes the door open.

As expected, Castiel is sat motionless in the same spot as he was a couple of hours ago when Jack was last here. Everything is exactly the same – except:

“Is he talking?”, Sam whispers and Jack nods.

“He is. But what is he _saying_?”, he asks and Sam cautiously moves closer to the angel, straining to hear the quiet words being spoken.

“I think he’s praying. In Latin and Enochian.”, Sam tells him. “I’m not 100% certain, but he keeps saying the word “pater” – that’s “father”, and “da mihi dorsum” – that means “please give him back to me” and…”

“And what?”

“Ol hoath.”

“What does that mean?”, Jack asks, frustrated at Sam’s curt answers.

“My love.” Sam whispers.

“Oh.” Jack says, dumbly. “So he’s praying for –“

“He’s praying for Dean to come back. He’s asking Chuck to bring Dean back to him.”

Jack nods. Castiel hasn’t prayed before. Perhaps this is a good sign, maybe he will become more responsive now. Jack knows it might be selfish – especially when he knows Castiel is mourning – but he really misses the angel.

He slowly reaches forward and places a hand on the angel’s shoulder – and immediately doubles over in pain. The minute he loses contact with Castiel, the pain disappears.

“Jack! Are you okay?”, Sam asks, helping him up.

Jack nods. “Yes. I think so. It’s just, when I touched him I felt so much pain. How is that possible?”

Sam frowns. “I don’t know. Let me try.” The hunter cautiously approaches the angel and touches a single finger to his arm, immediately withdrawing with a hiss of pain. “You’re right, it hurts. But it doesn’t feel like it’s physical.”

Jack nods. “It isn’t, it’s more like it’s inside. Here.” He gestures to his chest and Sam nods in agreement.

“Let’s go get Rowena, maybe she knows what’s happening.”

 

Twenty minutes later, there’s an extremely disgruntled witch glaring at Castiel.

“Bugger.” Rowena says concisely and Sam raises his eyebrows.

“What exactly is going on?”, he asks her and she frowns.

“Haven’t the foggiest, dearie. As I said: bugger.”, she tells him.

“What do you mean?”, Jack asks Rowena. “What is happening to him? You have to know _something_.”

She sighs. “I honestly don’t know, angels really aren’t my forte. My best guess is that he’s in a state of shock. The praying is a reflex for his vessel – hence the Latin – the Enochian is his angelic subconscious and the pain is because he’s projecting what’s inside him. I suppose you could call it a coping mechanism. The pain is too strong to be contained so it’s radiating.”

“But if he’s in so much pain, why does he look like this on the outside?”, Jack asks, gesturing to Castiel, immobile but for the lips forming his constant prayer.

Sam puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Remember when you were first born and Cas was still in the Empty, how Dean was so cold and hard? This is like that. You and I cope with traumatic emotions very differently, we don’t keep them inside. Castiel is trying to do what Dean did, but with less alcohol and more of… whatever this is, I guess.”

Jack’s chin juts forward sullenly. “So we just have to wait it out until Dean comes back then? Just watch Castiel sit here?”

Sam nods his head sadly.

“Ahem.” Rowena coughs from the doorway and they both turn to look at her. “Now boys, there’s no need to be melodramatic. Your angel is perfectly lucid in that head of his. You could keep him company, if you wanted. Maybe even persuade him to come out and take a wee gander at the real world.”

“How do we do that? Something like dream root?”, Sam questions and she smiles.

“Something like that.”

“What do you think, Jack?”

Jack fixes Sam with a determined expression. “I think if it helps Castiel, we should do whatever we have to.”

“Very well. You might want to sit down, boys.” Rowena gestures to the bed and Jack and Sam sit on either side of Castiel. “Ite in somnio. Videantur quae videt.“ Rowena says, waving her hands in a complicated sort of flourish. Jack blinks and he’s in a garden.

He looks to his left and sees Sam, looking equally confused.

“Hello Jack. Sam.”

He spins and sees Castiel, staring at something over his left shoulder. Castiel looks different, his clothes aren’t quite the same as the ones he usually wears. Beside him, is another Castiel, the one Jack knows and loves, the one who had spoken.

“Castiel!” Jack exclaims. “You’re alright! We were so worried. Are you ready to come home?”

Cas raises a finger to his lips. “Shh, Jack. I’m trying to watch.”

Jack is about to ask what there is to watch in this autumnal garden, but Sam suddenly nudges him and points at what Memory-Castiel has been staring at. It’s Dean. But he looks younger, much younger.

“Where _is_ this?”, Jack asks, confused.

“Lisa Braedon’s house.” Sam and Cas say in unison.

“She’s a woman Dean used to date.”, Sam explains further.

Castiel moves forward, but he is still too far away to touch Dean. “I watched him rake leaves.”, he says and Jack cannot fathom the significance of this, but then Castiel continues to speak.

“I came here for help, but I saw his life here, I saw him doing the most domestic of tasks and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t take him away from all this… familial bliss. It’s what he always wanted. Instead, I betrayed him”

Sam takes a step forward so he is standing shoulder to shoulder with the angel. “It isn’t anymore, you know that right? I’m not even sure that’s what he wanted back then, or if it’s just what he thought he should want. But now? All he wants is you and the family he has now, with you, me, Jack, and mom, even the new Charlie and Bobby.”

Cas doesn’t answer and their surroundings ripple and change.

 

They’re in a forest – not one Jack recognises – but Sam must because he’s giving Cas a very strange look.

“Is this _Purgatory_?”, he asks and Jack frowns. When was Castiel in this place for monsters?

In lieu of an answer, Cas just jerks his head towards a cluster of trees. Under those trees is a scruffy man that Jack doesn’t recognise. Beside him, leaning up against the rough bark is another Memory-Castiel, dressed in filthy white scrubs. Dean is fast asleep on the ground, his head pillowed in Memory-Castiel’s lap.

“That’s Benny, a vampire.”, Sam tells Jack, just as the scruffy man begins to speak to Memory-Castiel. As one, the three of them move closer so as to better hear the conversation.

“Didn’t know why he was so obsessed with finding you. I’ve ne’er seen anything like it, s’ like he was possessed or something.” Benny is saying. Memory-Castiel looks up from studying Dean’s face. “I think I get it now, s’ like me an’ Andrea, right?”

“I don’t know who Andrea is.”, Memory-Castiel says in a monotone voice.

Benny smiles. “She was my girl, before I came to this place. Loved her more than anything, I did. Would have hunted through hell for her – or purgatory.” He finishes pointedly.

“I’m not going back.”, is what Memory-Castiel says instead.

Benny looks confused. “What do you mean? Of course you are, we’re so close to that portal I can taste it. Then we’ll all get to go _home_.”

“I deserve to stay here. I’ve… I’ve done things. Terrible things, Dean won’t have told you but I can’t just go home. I have penance to pay and I have to do it here.”

Benny looks shocked, but then he shakes his head. “You’re a goddamned fool, angel, you know that? And you’re _wrong_. Dean _did_ tell me about what you’ve done. About your civil war, about working with the King o’ Hell. He told me everything. Even abou’ that day in the hospital, when you were still nuttier than squirrel crap.”

Memory-Castiel looks about as shocked as Jack has ever seen him. He glances at Sam, silently asking him about the day in a hospital that Benny was speaking about, but he looks confused too.

Memory-Castiel regains his composure. “If he has told you all that then you know. You know why I can’t return with him. You know that he is better off without me.”

Benny sighs. “Maybe he is, but tha’ don’t mean he knows it.”

Memory-Castiel nods, carefully running his fingers through Dean’s scruffy hair.

“Promise me you won’t tell him. I’ll find a way to stay here before we go through the portal, and the two of you can return home, but you can’t tell him or he’ll try to stay too.”, Memory-Castiel says and Benny nods, but he doesn’t look happy about it.

 

The scene changes again, before Jack can ask any questions. They’re in a motel room. It’s dark, the only light that of the streetlamps shining through the thin curtains.

Sam and Castiel are still beside him, but across the room from them is another Sam, asleep in one of the beds, snoring softly. Another Memory-Castiel is sitting on the edge of the other bed as Dean tosses and turns, whimpering softly.

“When is this?”, Sam asks Cas.

“A few years ago.”, Cas murmurs. “When we were fighting the Darkness, the day before I said yes to Lucifer.”

“You let Lucifer possess you?”, Jack asks sharply and Sam shakes his head.

“Another time, okay?”, Sam says softly and Jack nods.

They watch as Memory-Castiel gently reaches out and strokes Dean’s hair.

“Shhh, _ol hoath_.” They hear him whisper. “I’m here, you’re okay. Come on _ol ar od aoiveae_ , wake up.”

Dean wakes with a start, tears running down his face. Memory-Castiel immediately gathers him up and into his arms. Dean sobs into his chest, and Memory-Castiel just holds him, whispering words in Enochian to him. After a few minutes the sobbing stops and Dean pulls away, wiping his face on his sheets.

“Thank you.”, he tells Memory-Castiel. Memory-Castiel just smiles softly and suddenly Dean is leaning forward and pressing his lips to Memory-Castiel’s. They kiss for a moment and Jack is aware of Sam looking away. Memory-Castiel gently pushes Dean away.

“We shouldn’t _ol hoath_ , it isn’t good for you.”

“Why, Cas? ‘Cause I know you’ve told me your bullshit reasoning before, but honestly? Each time I hear it, I’m less inclined to believe it.”, Dean whispers angrily.

Memory-Castiel sighs. “I’m not good for you Dean, you deserve so much more. How many more times do I need to tell you, this?”

Dean glares. “At least once more, Cas. _I love you!_ I mean it, I don’t just say that to anyone, sweetheart. Hell, why don’t you wake Sam and ask him when the last time was that I said it to him? But I’m telling you now: I. Love. You. You don’t have to say it back, because I know you do. So _please_ stop telling me you’re not good enough, because you are. Please. All I want is to be with you!”

Memory-Castiel holds his gaze for a moment and then deflates. “I love you too, Dean.”

Dean pulls him in for another kiss, this one longer than the first. “Please stay with me, Cas. I can’t lose you again.”

Memory-Castiel nods and Dean pulls him down to lie beside him, arms wrapped around each other.

“Castiel, did you get together with my brother _the day before you let Lucifer possess you_?”, Sam asks, his tone sharp.

Jack looks at Castiel, who looks agonized, guilt and sadness apparent on his face even in the gloom. He can’t bear the look on the angel’s face so he reaches out and takes his hand. The angel’s expression changes to one of surprise and he squeezes Jack’s hand.

Sam sighs. “I’m sorry. I just… didn’t know about this. I thought you got together once Amara was gone.

Castiel shakes his head and pulls his hand from Jack’s as the scene once again changes.

 

The smell of disinfectant hits Jack’s nose before anything else. They’re in a hospital. Memory-Castiel is back in the white scrubs he was wearing in purgatory, although they’re much cleaner this time. He’s sitting on the edge of a bed, Dean beside him.

“It’s just strange, isn’t it? The humans would willingly eat something, that is technically eating them back? Why would you _do_ that to yourself?”, Memory-Castiel is saying and Dean gives him a small smile.

“I don’t know Cas, ‘m not a big fan of pineapples to be honest.”, Dean says and Memory-Castiel suddenly reaches out and takes his hand.

“I suppose that’s the way it is the world over, people love the things that hurt them. Or eat them. How much do you suppose it would hurt to be eaten?”

Dean sighs, his fingers briefly tightening around Memory-Castiel’s. “I couldn’t say, Cas. How are you feeling? Ready to come home yet?”

Memory-Castiel pulls his hand away from Dean and Jack sees a flash of hurt cross the man’s face. “I can’t go back with you Dean, I can’t fight.”

Dean sighs. “You don’t have to fight, Cas. Just come home with me. I know we have stuff to work out and I haven’t totally forgiven you for what you did, but I’d rather have you with _me_ , than here with Meg.”

“You don’t want me with you, Dean. I’m bad luck, I’m cursed, I’m…” Memory-Castiel trails off as Dean takes his hand again.

“I know baby, I know.” Dean says, and it seems to be more to himself than to Castiel.

Memory-Castiel frowns. “I am not an infant, Dean.”

Dean stands up, giving Memory-Castiel a sad smile. “I know you aren’t Cas. I should be getting back to Sammy though.”

He pulls Memory-Castiel in for a hug and then turns to leave.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you Dean, but maybe when this is over we can go and collect some honey together?”, Memory-Castiel calls after him.

“Sure Cas, maybe we can.”, Dean says, before taking his leave.

Jack is so focussed on Dean’s retreating back that he startles when Sam moves to stand in front of him and Castiel.

“Jesus, even back then you two were…?”, Sam asks, leaving the sentence open as if unsure how to finish it.

“There was something between us since before I took the souls from purgatory. Before I said yes to Lucifer we just… made things ‘official’ as you would say.”, Castiel says quietly.

“But… Lisa?”, Jack asks. “Wasn’t she around for some of that time?”

Cas nods. “She was better for him than I ever could be. I let him go, we had only kissed once or twice at that point anyway.”

Neither Jack nor Sam knew what to say so they watched Memory-Castiel sitting on his bed in silence for a few more moments until the memory changed again.

 

They’re in a sterile, white hall and Jack almost thinks they’re still in the hospital. He hears Sam’s sharp intake of breath and looks around. As far as he can see there are Deans lying dead and bleeding on the floor. Another Memory-Castiel stands over the closest body, while a woman in a grey suits speaks to him.

“No hesitation. Quick, brutal. Everything’s back in order. Finally, you’re ready.” She says.

Memory-Castiel sways a little where he’s standing, but he waits until the woman has left before sinking to the ground. He pulls the nearest Dean to him, cradling his face in his hands. The tears roll down his face and splash onto the ground, but he doesn’t make a sound. It’s like he’s afraid of the emotions pouring out of him. Memory-Castiel clutches Dean’s body to him and weeps. It’s all Jack can do not to reach out and comfort him.

“Before I beat Dean to get to the tablet, they made me kill copies of him. _Thousands_ of times over, eventually I did it as quickly as possible so that he didn’t have to suffer for long. In the end, I couldn’t do it to the real one though.”, Cas says quietly and Jack shudders at the idea of having to hurt someone you love so many times.

Sam puts a comforting hand on Castiel’s shoulder. The angel takes several deep breaths but Jack can tell he isn’t able to keep up his emotionless façade.

The whole room flickers as Cas scrubs a hand over his face, watching his memory-self sob and then it disintegrates and they’re back in the bunker.

 

Jack knows exactly when this is, this is the moment that Dean says yes.

“You’re the engine, but I’m behind the wheel.”, Dean says and Michael nods.

The most recent Memory-Castiel grabs Dean by the shoulder and spins him to face him.

“Dean, please don’t do this. We’ll find another way!”, he says but Dean shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, Cas. You know there isn’t another way. Not one we can find quickly enough to save Sam and Jack.”, Dean says, taking Memory-Castiel’s face between his hands. “But I promise you, I’ll come back to you. I promise _ol monon olpirt_.”

Jack sees Michael’s face contort in disgust at the Enochian phrase and then Dean and Memory-Castiel are kissing, desperately like it might be the last time and it occurs to Jack that this was the last time.

“I love you Cas.”

“And I you, Dean”

There’s a flash of blue light and Dean is gone and Memory-Castiel is left alone with the corpse of Michael’s vessel. Memory-Castiel sits on the step and cries. But he isn’t the only one.

Cas is crying too, in great shuddering gasps and he must be losing control because the whole room is shaking like it’s about to fall apart and suddenly they’re outside.

 

They’re in a graveyard, Rowena is there with two men that Jack doesn’t recognise and Cas is still crying as Memory-Castiel and Dean hug.

“I could go with you.”, Memory-Castiel says and the ground shakes and –

 

They’re in a crypt and a Memory-Castiel is beating Dean’s face in. Castiel is curled on the ground whimpering and –

 

Dean’s eyes flash black and Castiel screams and –

 

Memory-Castiel is trapped in a ring of fire, the heat is so intense Jack has to take a step back. Cas is on the ground beside him and he crouches down as he hears Dean speak.

“What we don’t do, is go out and make another deal with the devil!”

Memory-Castiel looks at the ground. “It seems so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?”

Dean glares at him. “I was there. Where were you?”

Jack strokes Castiel’s shoulder. The memories have stopped speaking their mouths opening and closing silently. The room they’re in looks like it’s about to disintegrate and Cas is still rocking back and forth whimpering.

Sam kneels beside them, wrapping his arms around Cas. And suddenly they’re back watching Dean rake leaves.

“Why these memories, Cas? Tell me why these ones and maybe we can help you.”, Sam says desperately.

Castiel shakes his head, he’s crying so hard that he can’t seem to speak.

“Castiel, please!”, Jack says and Cas tries to slow his breathing.

He takes breath after heaving breath and eventually says: “I failed him.”

Sam shakes his head. “No Cas, you didn’t. You didn’t fail him.”

“I did. I have failed him again and again and again. But every time I failed, I thought back to the fact that at least I stopped Dean from saying 'yes' to Michael. Until now.”

Jack takes Cas’ hand – the one that isn't clutching a fistful of Sam’s shirt. “It wasn’t your fault, Castiel. We _saw_ it. He made the decision by himself. You couldn’t have stopped him. But we’ll get him back.”

Sam nods in agreement. “None of us could have stopped him, Cas. And I know it hurts, trust me, I know. But Jack is right, we’ll get him back.”

Castiel doesn’t look convinced. He’s still crying, and now has his arms wrapped around his own chest as if he’s trying to hold himself together.

He looks like he’s about to speak, but the scene changes. Much more smoothly than it has the last few times, even though Castiel is still falling apart.

 

They’re on a long wooden jetty that juts out into a perfectly calm lake. Jack looks around but the only person there is Dean, sitting in a chair, fishing. There is no Memory-Castiel to be seen.

“Cas, which memory is this?”, Sam asks. And Castiel looks up.

“It isn’t a memory.”, he says hoarsely.

Jack stares at him. “What do you mean? How is this not a memory?”

Castiel ignores him, getting to his feet and staggering along the jetty until he reaches Dean.

“Dean!”, he says and the hunter is startled. Jumping up from his chair.

Castiel wraps his arms around him, clutching the man to his chest.

“I don’t understand, how are you here?”, Cas asks as he releases Dean, only for him to immediately be pulled into a hug by Sam.

“I heard you. Or, well, Michael did. He kept complaining about it. Said all he could hear on Angel Radio was you. And that got me thinking, if he can hear you, maybe you can hear me. It took me a while, I had to redirect some of his grace while he wasn’t paying attention. I just thought about those times you visited me in my dreams.”, Dean explains.

Cas’ whole face lights up in a beatific smile. “You’re a genius.”, he tells Dean, who blushes.

“If you’re awake, can’t you throw him out?”, Jack asks and Dean’s smile falters.

“I’ve tried, but he just silences me. He needs to be distracted enough to not care what I’m doing in here. Like now. He knows I’m talking to you but he’s too busy planning to care.”, Dean says and Castiel takes his hand.

“We’ll distract him. Do you know where you are?”, the angel asks and Dean nods.

“Yeah, he didn’t go very far. We’re just outside of Omaha, in the Company Hotel.”

Castiel fixes him with a determined stare. “Then we’re coming to get you. Now.”

Sam and Jack nod, although Jack feels a little stirring of fear in his stomach. They aren’t really a match for Michael.

Cas and Dean are just staring at each other and Sam very pointedly clears his throat until they pay attention to him.

“If we’re going to do this then we should go now. Dean, we’ll do our best to distract Michael enough to give you a chance to kick him out.”, Sam says and Dean nods.

“I’ll see you on the other side Sammy.”

Dean lets his lips brush against Cas’ once before he suddenly disappears. They’re alone for a couple of more second before everything goes dark.

 

When Jack opens his eyes, he is Dean’s room in the Bunker again.

Beside him, Castiel and Sam are stirring.

“Oh good, you’re back. And you brought the angel with you.”, Rowena says from the chair she’s sitting in.

“Rowena.”, Castiel says, his voice hoarse. “We need hexbags that will distract Michael, as many as you can make. We’re getting Dean back tonight. Sam, go and assemble the refugees. Tell them to bring all the anti-angel weapons they still have. We’re leaving in 20 minutes.”

 

* * *

 

 

They need 78 hexbags, 23 angel blades, 39 holy oil infused Molotov cocktails and more bullets than Jack can count, but they manage to distract Michael enough that suddenly the room is filled with blue light which whisks out of a window. Then there’s only Dean.

Dean who has collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut, blood trickling from a wound in his stomach that Michael had neglected to heal.

Jack watches as Sam and Castiel rush towards Dean, helping him to his feet. Castiel uses his exhausted grace to heal Dean as best he can and then Jack is being told to run ahead and open the Impala.

The other refugees head to their vehicles too, tired and sore but with thankfully nothing more than minor injuries.

Jack opens the rear door as Sam and Castiel deposit Dean on the back seat, Castiel sliding in beside him.

Sam goes to sit in the driver’s seat and gestures for Jack to sit up front with him. The Impala’s engine comes alive with a roar and Sam points it in the direction of home.

 

Jack must fall asleep for a bit, because when he wakes up they’re at a gas station and Sam isn’t in the car. He tries to go back to sleep but he can hear Dean and Castiel talking very softly in the back.

“I’m sorry _ol hoath_ , I shouldn’t have let you say yes.”, Castiel is saying and Jack hears Dean sigh.

“We’ve been over this, _you couldn’t have stopped me_.”

Castiel groans in frustration. “I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish otherwise.”

“You saved me though. Michael was so annoyed because he could hear you praying, but I felt you. I felt your pain, your longing. That’s what gave me the strength to try and reach out, to fight him.”, Dean says quietly.

“I was just in so much pain, Dean. I didn’t know how to live without you.”, Castiel says and Jack hears rustling. He chances a look in the side mirror and sees that Castiel is now curled up with his head on Dean’s chest.

“I know, but I’m here now. I’m never leaving you again, baby.”, Dean says and Jack smiles at the endearment.

Clearly Castiel doesn’t feel the same way about the term because he says: “I am not an infant, Dean.”

In the mirror, Jack watches Dean grin and plant a kiss on the top of Cas’ head.

“I know you aren’t, Cas. Now hush or you’ll wake the kid.”

“He’s already awake.”, Castiel says grumpily and Jack tenses up, worried they’ll be angry at him listening to their conversation. Before he can say anything, Sam slides back into the car and throws a bag of crisps into the backseat.

“Bitch.”, Dean snaps at him, opening the bag of crisps.

“Jerk.”, Sam says, grinning at him in the rear-view mirror.

Jack giggles and Sam puts the Impala into gear.

 

Dean and Castiel fall asleep not twenty minutes later and when they get back to the Bunker, Sam doesn’t have the heart to wake them.

Jack watches the two of them wrapped around each other on the leather seats and thinks that he’s seen the memories of too many members of his family. He’d like to make some of his own now.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, let me know if this made you want to drill a hole in your brain to forget reading this, or if you liked it. Comments and Kudos appreciated or say hi on tumblr (@hefellfordean) xx


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